[TW: This article discusses miscarriage and may be triggering for some readers.]
The path to motherhood isn’t always straightforward, and for some, it can be filled with a number of challenges.
Mother of two, Kirsty Cook shares her emotional journey through the highs and lows of miscarriage, pregnancy and a diagnosis of Down Syndrome.
Let’s start at the beginning of 2021. My husband and I were ready to try again for our second child as we felt our first was at the age that would be good for a sibling. It didn’t go as planned for us to start with. We unfortunately suffered two miscarriages within six months, and we were broken. I sat my husband down and said to him I’m not sure if I want to try again, but I also wanted to give my son a sibling.
Fast forward to the end of 2021 and I’d fallen pregnant again. I was scared, nervous and most certainly anxious. I was worried it would end in loss every day, and I would get so upset wondering if my baby was alive. I ended up paying for private scans every two weeks until I got to 12 weeks. We went for our 12-week scan and when we saw our baby’s heartbeat everything just relaxed for that moment. Our baby was alive, moving and it wasn’t going to end in loss.
The next day I got a phone call from the hospital to tell me my blood test had come back with a high chance of Down Syndrome. I cried on the phone and for the next few hours. I was in shock and unsure what to do. I had to go for another test to give a more accurate reading and I was a mess, uncontrollably crying as I wasn’t sure what my future was going to look like. My results came back as 99.9% and 1 in 4 chances of having a baby with Down Syndrome. The doctor told me my options and also gave the option of a termination. I very quickly said no. I’d lost two babies, and I wasn’t going to give up on this one.
My pregnancy was hard - I had to have scans every two weeks to ensure baby was growing the way they should. We found out we were having a boy and everything felt right. I was still worrying day-to-day about whether he would survive, and it felt like the longest pregnancy, but he was alive and kicking. That’s all that mattered.
I made it to 37 weeks when the consultant told me I’d have to be induced. My son had stopped growing and they were worried my placenta would stop working. I was induced and ended up going into labour in just six hours when they were expecting it to be over 12.
I had two hours of full labour with contractions coming thick and fast. The neonatal team came in and told me if my son wasn’t breathing when he was born, he would go straight to the neonatal intensive care unit. Children with Down Syndrome can sometimes struggle to breathe as soon as they are born and most will also have a heart condition, making them more vulnerable to needing Nicu care.
Reign was born at 9.53pm on 14th May and he was breathing, crying and was placed on my chest. He wasn’t rushed away, he was with me, happy and healthy. I’d dreamt of this day for over a year, and he was finally here.
My husband and I gave such a sigh of relief when Reign didn’t have to leave my side during the first night. He was breathing so well on his own and that’s when I knew he had fought so much to be here.
We spent six days in hospital due to checks and also to confirm he had Down Syndrome. Reign also has a heart defect which is genetic, so the whole family has had to be checked but it’s a very rare heart condition.
We left the hospital as a family of four. Reign is now two and a half years old and although the first year we had lots of appointments and check-ups, it’s all slowed down now and we enjoy him so much. He’s changed our lives for the better and has changed our outlook on life. He’s makes us slow down and laugh on a daily basis. He’s the cheekiest, funniest little boy and my older son is utterly obsessed with his little brother.
I was almost certain it was the start of labour and that we were one step closer to welcoming our baby boy to the world. I was exactly 41 weeks pregnant and we had been waiting patiently for this life-changing moment.
Practicing hypnobirthing in the months running up to birth meant I felt prepared about what to expect, reassured that my body would know what to do and, for the most part, in control. It also helped me to practice relaxation techniques and feel as calm as possible, which was something really important given I had struggled with generalised anxiety in the past.
My lovely husband Rob started to create a calm and peaceful environment in our bedroom by turning the lights low, scattering tealight candles and playing our chosen relaxation music. While setting up the TENS machine he encouraged me to focus on my breathing, which was a welcome reminder as I learnt how to manoeuver through my surges.
Unexpectedly I found comfort in retreating to our en-suite bathroom and sitting down to breathe through the sensations. There was something safe about how small, dark and cool the room was. Fortunately it was a good place to be because I was sick a couple of times as my surges became more intense, around 3.30am.
When back in the bedroom I used the birthing ball and enjoyed soft-touch massage on my back to keep me relaxed. Both my dog and cat had joined us upstairs now and it felt like they knew something major was happening and were helping to protect me, bless them. I love that we were all together and I’m sure this worked wonders for my oxytocin levels!
My surges became stronger and more frequent quite quickly and we knew it was time to call the birth centre when they were around four minutes apart. Rob called them at 4am and they told us to make our way in. We started to get ready shortly afterwards, which wasn’t easy given the speed I was progressing. I remember putting one foot into my trousers after a surge, then experiencing another one before I had chance to put my other foot in. We set off in the car at 5.20am and arrived at the hospital 20 minutes later.
I had to go into triage alone due to Covid regulations which was quite nerve wracking. It was hard to stay relaxed, especially in the hospital toilet trying to provide a urine sample mid-labour and being sick at the same time! I knew there would be some checks on arrival but I wasn’t expecting it to take the best part of an hour, which felt like a lifetime at that point. Fortunately I was able to keep coming back to my breathing techniques. During the physical examination the nurse confirmed I was 4cm dilated and asked if my waters had broken. A couple of minutes after I replied with “no, not yet”, my waters released there and then.
At 6.30am Rob was able to join me and we headed up to the birth centre together. My birthing room exceeded expectations – it was just lovely and even had a canopy of fairy lights above the birth pool. I knew I wanted to use a birth pool during labour, if possible, but wasn’t fully sure I would deliver my baby in the pool. Mainly because I haven’t ever been confident in water, which sounds daft, but did mean I was a bit wary (although I really didn’t need to be). The midwife started to run the bath and Rob let her know we had been practicing hypnobirthing and started to set up the room as he had at home.
I’m really proud of the way I progressed through active labour, with confidence, control and calmness. It was almost like I was in my own zone, fully focused on following my instincts and listening to my body as it prepared for the delivery of my baby. I used gas and air, which definitely took the edge off the sensations, but as things went on I reached a stage where I felt like I needed something stronger. I got out of the bath at 7.45am for the midwife to examine me. She looked at me with a smile and said “you’re 9cm dilated, this baby is nearly ready to make an appearance!” I was in the transition phase of labour where my body was getting ready for the pushing stage, which explained why the surges felt so intense. The fact that my baby was on his way gave me a renewed sense of encouragement and strength. I climbed back into the pool and focused once again on my breathing. This time visualising my long exhales travelling through the birth path to bring the baby down.
At 8.46am I delivered my baby boy, just over seven hours after labour started at home. The midwife gently swept him up from the warm water and placed him on my chest. It was such an incredibly special and emotional moment meeting my beautiful son, Teddy George White. My heart was so full, I’ve never felt love like it!
That next hour was so precious. I lay on the bed holding Teddy closely, embracing skin-to-skin contact and looking down in awe at this amazing little person we had created. I was hoping to be able to breastfeed so asked the midwife for guidance, and felt fortunate that Teddy took to it quite well.
After I had enjoyed the famous post-birth tea and toast, I had to see the consultant for stitches but was able to stay in the same room. This meant I could watch Rob have some personal bonding time with our son which brought me so much joy. We were able to travel home later that day and start our new, exciting chapter as a family.
When I reflect back on my birth story I feel really happy that it followed the route we were hoping. When writing our birth preferences we had set out for a natural birth with minimal intervention but were prepared for things to go differently. A lot of people told us it was pointless creating a birth plan because they often end up going out of the window, but I found it empowering to educate myself on the different ways our baby could enter the world and have an idea of how we would like things to go. We felt informed, prepared and calm, and were fortunate to have experienced the birth we wanted. For us this was possible with lots of preparation, continued support for each other, our lovely hypnobirthing expert, and some good luck.